Recently, I joined a discussion on stress with fellow entrepreneurs. And I remembered: I am an expert in stress.
For years, everyone told me how much pressure I was under. Demanding investors, a family with young kids. But I felt happy. I told everyone that my business was my biggest hobby. I could create. I did not have an understanding of how much pressure I was on. I could cope.
Until I could not. At some point, I had so much physical stress in my body that I could not read my handwriting anymore. A forced time off did help me to get out of that phase.
Many years later, I discovered the real causes of stress: I wished the world to be in the desired state (financial success, happy family, happy employees), and I did everything I could to push the world in that direction. Strategy. Hard work, corraling the team. Being at home for dinner.
But I did not have enough resources:
- I did not feel my own needs. There was no me-time or me space, other than business hotels.
- I had no experience asking other people for help (other than assigning tasks to my team).
- I did not know how to communicate how I felt.
Underneath that was a certain belief system:
- I can do it.
- I need to be there for my family.
- The others are worse off than me because I at least can handle it.
Others need more than me. - I need to prove myself (some investors are very good to instill that feeling).
- Ultimately: I am alone in this.
- I had never learned to rely on others in crucial moments.
It took me another crisis until I learned how to really get out of my stress.
- I now listen to my body all the time. I can feel tension. In my shoulders, my stomach, wherever.
- I am not spiritual, but I need to get out in nature to feel grounded, and I do that a lot. Being in nature is a task for me, but a way of life.
- I accept things that seem too big to change. Right now, I can only observe what is happening in the US. But I am not under the illusion that I can change it.
But the key is for me:
- I have friends I can share my feelings with. And interestingly, they don’t turn away when I am vulnerable. They say it makes them connect.
- I can be present with people without having a role or function.
Not as a host, not as a dad, not as a boss, just being there.
